Bonjour, my darlings!
Is it true? Am I actually back here with you?
I have been off doing an assortment of activities, but none of the activities that I’ve been doing (glibly) truly justify my long absence; this I realize. We have to leave that behind us in the spirit of the Holidays, a season that has prompted several notable musical theatre productions, including A Christmas Story, White Christmas, and of course, Pippin.
I have been informed by my editor* that Pippin is (actually!) not a holiday musical, to which I will retort, “does the sound of magical circus freaks showing you a world of Wonder not put you in the holiday spirit?!”
I listen to Pippin every Christmas, and it is far more, effective at making one properly spritely than“Hark The Herald Angels Sing” or, God forbid, “Cozy Little Christmas” by my sworn antithesis, Katy Perry.
Darlings; have I become more bitter in my old age? Please comment below and tell me what you think because I’m trying very hard to raise my Bitterness Quotient by at least 5% by the end of the year! But it’s a process because everything in this life is a process. Except for the people who take shortcuts and buy their sequined capes pre-sequined.
Have I mentioned I’ve been aging?
It’s completely devastating, darlings, terrifying, yet undeniably thrilling. I have often felt that my true identity is an eighty-year-old woman with a slick silver bob and a good set of furs. Faux fur, obviously. I’m not a monster.
More on that later. In the spirit of jingle-jangle, etc. (etc., etc., etc.)** I (Broadway Lil) thought that in order to properly reintroduce you to myself after my Highly Mysterious and Alluring absence I’d give you a list of Things. These Things consist of the places I’ve been, the activities I’ve done, the people I’ve met, and the things I’ve worn while I’ve been Gallivanting Wherever.
As a side note, Gallivanting Wherever is a very helpful phrase to have on hand in case anyone ever asks you where you’ve been. I never reveal where I’ve been except to very trustworthy and well-dressed people like you, so if, for example, a man in a tracksuit standing outside Bloomingdale’s asks me “where you been, li’l lady?” in a highly creepy tone as I am exiting, I will respond very loudly, “gallivanting wherever!!!” and toss my scarf behind my back like in that one hit video of Joe Biden doing a “scarf flip”.
(P.S. I invented the scarf flip and taught it to Joe Biden, not the other way around).
My God, I have missed you all!
Broadway Lil’s List of Reintroduction and General Fantasticness With Some Holiday Bitterness Included for Spice (a.k.a. 2019 Revisited)
- I have moved
Where have I moved? I’m highly nomadic, but not in a van way (although I absolutely support van-living, especially if the van is Elphaba green and painted with an image of my face). But no, actually I’ve moved to an apartment in the middle of the city where I can see the lights and walk to get coffee at all hours of the night which is very vital. I live at the end of the hall and my neighbor is Ukrainian. I have also met a man on Hollywood Boulevard who tried to give me a Bible, but I did not accept it because I already have Godspell.
- I have been educated
Darlings, as you all know, I value my education. Not as highly as I value Broadway or feather boas, obviously, but I do enjoy learning new things. Additionally, I am a child protegee, as I think I have explained previously in some capacity.
More on that later.
The main reason I’ve been gone is that I have been at a University of Higher Education taking many classes, most notably a course on French Theatre which included an exploration of some of my most favorite plays, including those by my idol and soulmate Eugene Ionesco. Oh, you didn’t know Eugene was my soul mate? Well, he was also gay, so that wouldn’t have worked out anyway. Theatre bites me in the back section of my body ONCE AGAIN.
(Rate my bitterness below please).
- I have directed plays
Darlings; yes! I’ve directed one short play and one full-length play this year. The short play was written by a talented young playwright who was not me and the full-length play was written by a talented young playwright who was me. What? What? Yes! My play! I wrote it and directed it! Triple threat? More like a septendecuple threat. Decide for yourself what my sixteen other talents are.
Darlings, these are some key moments I wanted to share with you; the moments that have defined the past months of my life. Happy Holidays, I adore you all! I really hope you see some people you love and listen to Pippin while tap dancing in your vintage alligator block heels. You know I will be!
**The King and I (obviously)