“It’s amazing what this award fetches on Ebay”
-Martin Short, The 1999 Tony Awards
My friends, it’s that time of year again. The time of year where we have emotional breakdowns more that once a day, the time of year where we erratically block people on Twitter because of what they’ve written about our favorite shows. It is, to put it bluntly, the Tony Awards Season.
You’re welcome/sorry, friends.
Today the Tony Awards were announced and unless you are a Very Pulled Together Person, chances are you’ve wondering how you’re going to get through this stressful time without completely losing it. Firstly, how are you supposed to deal with all those horrible people who are glad Falsettos closed and think they can bash it for being nominated? Secondly, how are you supposed to show people that you are, in fact the ultimate fan and will do anything to protect Bette Midler and Ben Platt? And really, the real question is how on earth will you survive until the Tony Awards broadcast on June 11th, 8pm Eastern, 5pm Pacific?
These are the questions that bubble beneath our perfectly pulled-together exteriors as we sit writing emails or learning what linear algebra is or erratically eating old Valentine’s chocolate with tears pouring down our faces. The Broadway season is nearing its close and what do we have to show for it? we wonder as we mindlessly watch Glee for the ninety seventh time. It’s hard, my dear friends, and I completely and utterly understand. I’m insane too, remember? I would never leave you to your own devices in these turbulent times. Ergo, I have created a second volume of Broadway Lil’s guide to Class Elegance and Revenge that will hopefully equip you with the tools you need to refrain from writing something horrible and rude on Twitter and then crying inconsolably for seven days. Don’t worry, my friends, we’ve all been there. Trust in me. Said that horrible snake who tried to strangle Mowgli in The Jungle Book.
Broadway Lil’s Guide To Class, Elegance, and Revenge Volume Two: Surviving The Tony Awards.
- Nominations Do Not Constitute The Awesome Factor
We have to remember that if our favorite musical this year was not nominated, its beauty and magnitude have not been calumniated. I saw this tweet today, written by Broadway historian and writer, Jennifer Tepper that reminded me how important it is to remember the musicals that weren’t nominated and to not be down-heartened.
- The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Music and Will Sooth Your Soul Probably
After you read or watch the nominations it’s okay if you need to process for a while. Get off Twitter and pursue something other than videos of Cynthia Ervio singing The Color Purple. I recommend taking a brisk nature walk to clear the head.
Who am I kidding? Nature is a disturbing and non-computable concept. We know this. I recommend packing a picnic and hanging out in the Home Depot plant section for a couple of hours. It’ll do wonders.
- Sending Love Through The Mail
I, Broadway Lil, am a freakishly avid letter writer. If you send me your address, even by accident, I will forever berate you with a steady stream of cards and letters and you will never have peace again. Because of my love of writing letters, I highly recommend writing congratulation letters to the casts of musicals (and plays, we’re not complete monsters) that you love and adore! Personally, I am going to send the cast of Dear Evan Hansen a card detailing my undying and stalkerly love of each and every one of them.
- Blocking People is Best Done in Moderation
You’re back on the internet. I get it, after the three hours at Home Depot and the half hour you spent writing the congratulations letters you need to “get back with it”. Ya know. Or whatever. I’m trying out new phrases that make me seem cool.
I “dig” your La La Land inspired wedding dress! I wanna “hang” with Lin-Manuel and Audra McDonald!
I THINK MY BLOG IS ACTUALLY FUNNY “LOL, HAHA, XD”-
Oh gosh, Tony Awards Season really is getting to me. But I do seem cooler now, right? Totes adorbs!
Oh wow. That was really unneeded.
You’re back on the internet. It’s kind of stressful but also really fun. You want to share your thoughts on the Tony Awards nominations on Twitter. But pause before your eager hands reach to turn your phone that I am sure you turned off because you were listening to my advice so well. Stop! Young Thespian, and Listen to the wise words of your teenaged Aunt Lil: Blocking People on Twitter Is Best Done In Moderation.
Do you know what that means?
Theatre geeks can be a little heated in their discussions this time of year and it is up to us, wise peace-keepers that we are* to remember this and proceed with caution. Yes, Anastasia should have been nominated. Yes, Laura Dreyfuss deserved the Tony nomination like crazy.
Yes, we should take a break from Twitter if things start to shift towards utter and complete disaster.
Also: most people on Twitter are wonderful and lovely.
- Planning Ahead of Time Will Save You Tears
The real Tony Awards are now on their way to arriving with a speed and rapidity frightening to behold. That is why I, Broadway Lil, who always has your best interests at heart, urge you to begin planning your Tony Awards party NOW.
My proudest achievement in life other than writing a musical and finding a dollar bill in my raincoat pocket when I was seven, has been hustling the theater where my musical played to throw a Tony Awards party for Los Angeles. My dear, dear friends at the theater have been incredibly open and lovely and I, Broadway Lil, am currently the chair of a Tony Awards party team at this lovely theater that I adore.
You can faint.
I’ll let you know how things proceed and really, I hope you have the most wonderful Tony Awards week imaginable and please, please let me know your Tony Awards Nomination thoughts and rage and happiness and just all your thoughts on the Tonys! Love you all!
*Who are we kidding? We’re running on a mix of coffee and show tunes at all times. We’re not exactly calm.