“And here’s to the fools who dream, crazy as they may seem.”
–Mia, La La Land
Hello, my friends!
I have a question. Have you ever read something or watched something or even met someone and said to yourself, wow, those are my people, I’ve found my people, goshdarn, and then were you struck with a deep sense of glee and subesquently found the need to belt out the entire soundtrack to Rent which subsequently subdued you into your former state of sadness and woe?
Yes. Me too.
For me, this thing was La La Land.
When I watched La La Land, I felt that I’d found my people. I do realize that my people live inside the screen of my small portable DVD player, but still. I found them, goshdarn!
What more could I want?
A lot, actually. When you find your people, if you find them, you have to become one of them, especially in the unfortunate case that they live in your small portable DVD player. You must become like them (without forsaking your own automatic fabulousness) in order to live the Absolute Dream. The Absolute Dream, unfortunately, can take some work. The Absolute Dream, fortunately, is something I, Broadway Lil am quite good at achieving. Thus, I made a list for myself to follow, in the hopes that I can, hopefully, possibly achieve a La La Land degree of fabulousness. You can follow it too. I’m really quite a genius.
The Quest For La La Land or What I Learned From My People
1. Sing and Dance With Strangers
When I was quite young I was in the musical Oklahoma. Some of you love Oklahoma and some of you hate it. Your opinion beside the point.
I was in Oklahoma and as a serious, yet emotionally fragile, thespian trying to find my way amongst people with incredibly loud voices and non-existent over-sharing filters, I discovered something. You must sing and dance with strangers.
Let me explain.
As I curled my hair in the dressing-room mirror one night (I was then starring in Oklahoma as Southern Belle #3), next to two especially frightening and theatrical actresses (who were playing Southern Belle #2 and Southern Belle #5, if I am not completely mistaken), I began to sing One Day More from Les Miserables. I am not quite sure why I did this, probably much of it had to do with the fact that I was then going through the stage where I really related to Eponine and moped around most of the time, pining after The Boy I Had A Crush On. This meant that I only knew the parts that Eponine was supposed to sing, but I was able to get through most of the song, although I did have to make up some of the lyrics*. And then, suddenly, just at the moment when my poor frizzy hair began to smoke delicately and give off a slight odor of burnt toast (this meant it was done curling), I heard a voice singing next to me. And then another one.
It was them. They were singing Les Miserables with me. They were infinitely less scary and one hundred times more fabulous. They sang along with me, and as we finished the song, one of them turned to me and said, “Oh, God, you know that’s the only movie that makes me cry, it’s so good!”
I sang with strangers and they became friends.
As for the dancing bit, well. Everyone I’ve danced with has started out as a friend and ended up an enemy. I have the coordination of a walrus. Enough said.
- Drink Everything From A Champagne Glass
At the age of seven I discovered that you can drink grape juice out of a champagne glass and tell people that it is red wine. They will never believe you and laugh in your face. You will tell yourself that it is the thought that counts. Let me continue. As the years have gone on, I’ve realized that if eternal class is what you are striving for, you must always drink everything out of a champagne glass. La La Land only confirmed my belief.
Let me give you some examples.
You are pitching an idea for a musical to someone. You feel rather nervous and are having trouble holding it together. You can use your champagne glass as a prop to flourish in the air with drama, hopefully dispelling your nervousness. NOTE: You can also use this technique when you are talking to someone very irritating and rude, but when you flourish your champagne glass, you must be very sure to slop most of it’s contents on their head.
Times I Have Not Used A Champagne Glass And What Happened
I recently went to a rather fancy party and because I needed a prop to flourish with drama, I ordered a glass of water, not remembering my own tip. My water arrived in a very plain water-ish glass. It was a disaster because everyone at the party
- Thought I was sixteen*
- Thought I was a journalist
I will not elaborate. I will continue.
- Accept That You May Fall Madly In Love With A Jazz Musician
In La La Land, Ryan Gosling plays the jazz musician, Sebastian, that Emma Stone’s character, Mia, falls in love with. At first things go great between them. And then…
Well, I can’t spoil it for you, can I?
Anyway, the issue is that now I am convinced that I will fall madly in love with a jazz musician at some point in the near future. Fortunately for me, I came in contact with an incredibly large bevy of possible conquests at the aforementioned fancy party I attended. It was really quite a surprise, but every person in my set at the party was a jazz musician, I swear, I really don’t know how it happened, but it happened. They performed and then came to the reception and they were all standing around drinking coffee and eating small chocolate desserts, and I did not know what to do and/or say. (May I take this opportunity to mention that I was dressed exactly like Mia from La La Land when she first meets Sebastian? I was.) I was sure I should/would get up and yell theatrically about myself or something to one of them (they all were very good-looking too, it was quite disconcerting)…But then I got very preoccupied by talking to several people about My Musical That I Freaking Wrote and also eating small macaroons dunked in decaf like it was the end of the world, and really, if I’m being perfectly honest here, if it’s a choice between the two, I will always choose talking about myself and eating expensive macaroons over falling madly in love with dashing jazz musicians.
I’m sorry, La La Land.
- Once You Fall Madly In Love With Said Jazz Musician You Must Tap Dance With Them
Why did I even make this list in the first place? See above where I:
- a) Have the coordination of a walrus
- b) Wasted my opportunity with jazz musicians
- You Must Always Follow Your Dreams
From the age of three, when I watched my first Disney Princess movie, one thing has been drilled into me.
Follow your heart, follow your heart, follow your heart.
Follow your heart, you freak.
Here’s the thing. I have come across some information that pertains to the fact that following your dreams is a much more worthwhile endeavour than following your heart: Your heart is of one of your muscles (in my case, it is my muscle) and in light of this, I doubt it is a very trustworthy guide. Have you ever met a large, frightening, muscle-filled football player whom you trusted? Me neither. Says the girl who thinks football is the one with the golf clubs. Whatever. What I’m trying to say is this: Sometimes your heart will become very loud and finicky (it’s your brain but it feels like your heart because of adrenaline, hello) and tell you that you shouldn’t try anything and that you should be content with anything you just happen to come across. I’ve found that brain-hearts enjoy freaking you out so you that won’t be fabulous. And you obviously are fabulous, so what are they thinking that is my question.
Follow your dreams. Ignore your heart when necessary.
If I learned nothing else from La La Land, you have to be your best and live the saga of your life in a way that makes you smile and in the way that you want to live it. It’s your life after all. It’s also another day of sun.
Gosh, I should have won a Pulitzer by now.
*This is a Prediction Of My Future where I write musicals
*Sadly, they were correct