“What ever put such a preposterous idea into your head-er, my head!”
-Carol Channing, Hello Dolly
And of course, happy birthday to two men who changed the world for the better, one with his powerful words, and dream for equality, and one with his musical and his hair.
Happy birthday, Martin Luther King Jr. and Lin-Manuel Miranda!
I hope you all are doing amahzingly today. I know I have been talking about my musical a lot lately, but something really thrilling occurred and I really, really, want to tell you because we are both so freaking theatrical!!
This morning I was sitting at the table drinking my daily dose of hot chocolate out of this strange mug with a pig lifting a barbell on the front. I was thinking about three things. The first thing was, why is the pig so dang strong? The second thing was, I should stop drinking so much hot chocolate because I think it might be negatively affecting my health*. The third was, remember what happened on Saturday?
Let me stop right there.
Do you see what I did there? I intrigued you. I learned that from Carolyn Keene. Let me demonstrate.
“Hey, Nancy”, said Ned Nickerson.
See, now you’re going to keep reading because you think Ned is finally going to propose to Nancy or something! He won’t but at least you’ll keep reading! Nice strategy, Carolyn, nice STRATEGY AND I TOTALLY DIDN’T HAVE AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN WHEN I REALIZED NANCY AND NED WERE NEVER GOING TO BE MORE THAN “FRIENDS” HAH, YEAH, NICE INTRIGUING US, CAROLYN!
Sorry. Ignore what just happened. I need to move on. Sixteen is probably a good age to move on. I can’t move on.
On Saturday I looked like this.
I was wearing the coat because I really love it and I also felt like Carol Channing would approve.
Sometimes you have to make tough decisions and then you just ask yourself if Carol Channing would approve and there you go.
On this particular day, I was very excited. I was very excited because I WAS GOING TO THE AUDITIONS FOR THE MUSICAL THAT I FREAKING WROTE!
Yup, that’s what I wanted to tell you. Not only do I love musicals. Not only did I write a musical. BUT I AM GOING TO HAVE MY MUSICAL PERFORMED AND YOU ARE ALL INVITED!
I don’t know where you live, if you can mail yourself in a shipping box to California or not. But if you show up I will smush you into one of my enormous purses and sneak you into the theater. I swear.
Anyway, I got ready to go to the auditions. I was feeling a little jittery, due to the fact that I’d only drunk one quart of hot chocolate that morning and was pretty much delirious from lack of cocoa powder coursing through my blood, but I put on some lipstick and pulled myself together, thank you very much Elizabeth Taylor for that quote which I just paraphrased.
My dad dropped me off at the theater where all the shenanigans were going to take place (that’s right, I still don’t know how to drive. Stop talking about it), and I, Broadway Lil, entered into the next stage of the Broadway dream.
There were a lot of young, brightly dressed people in the lobby of the theater and I smiled at them in this way that I smile when I want to show my love for humanity but don’t want anyone to talk to me. But then I saw this paper lying on the front desk.
I am not kidding. This paper. People were SIGNING UP TO AUDITION FOR MY MUSICAL WHICH I HAD WRITTEN AND WHICH WAS WRITTEN BY ME! THEY WANTED TO BE IN IT! THEY’D WORN BRIGHTLY COLORED CLOTHES TO BE IN IT!
I smiled winningly at them all then, and tried not to throw-up from happiness.
The director of my musical as well as my musical-theatre-writing-class teacher and the casting director were all sitting in the auditioning room behind the kind of table in front of which I’d stood many a time before and belted out “Not For The Life of Me”, which is what I sing at literally every audition. Except this time, hey, hey, I was sitting behind the table. With a Carol Channing-approved coat on. Plus some Carol Channing glasses. I was so ready. My collaborator who wrote the musical with me arrived a little late so I got prime seating behind the table and a bottle of water. This was very important because what else are you supposed to sip thoughtfully while people sing showstoppers in front of you? That is my question.
Finally the actors and actresses began coming in one by one. The musical my collaborator and I wrote has only two characters in it, a boy and a girl, kind of like The Last Five Years, and so we only had to cast two people.
Probably the absolute most amahzing part of the whole experience was hearing the actors and actresses read lines that I had written and sing excerpts of songs that I had composed. It was all a little freaky, honestly, because they each brought something so different yet amahzing to the character they were reading for. Plus they all had freakishly high belts. I have never been, to be perfectly honest, the Wednesday Addams type. I can sing high but not by belting. I think that’s why I’m so good at the Halleluiah Chorus. Seriously. I am freakishly good at The Halleluiah Chorus. I sing all the parts. You should hear me sing it sometime. People love it. They cover their ears and choke in admiration. Sometimes they even fall to the floor and put their heads under the carpet.
Anyway, moving on. A boy and a girl finally read together (again, lines I’d written) who were so hilarious and who so captured the wackiness of what I’d written that we just simply couldn’t say no. So we didn’t. We are doing a table read with them tomorrow and I am so excited! They seemed so nice and, just, wow. If you didn’t realize it yet, I AM SO THRILLED ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING AND I FEEL LIKE MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE BECAUSE THEY ARE!!
I love you all. You are, to quote my little sister, da bomb.
*Don’t worry, sweetie, you say. You’re fine, sweetie, you say.
I drink three quarts of the stuff a day. Stop talking.